Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Power of Agreement

By: Azeb

The True Spirit of Azeb

I've been having trouble writing this blog. I feel like by wrapping up my time in Veracruz with this blog I'll be sort of cutting ties with this place, and the last thing I want to do is put this experience to an end. I've been having this feeling since I've gotten back that my mind is still floating back somewhere in Mexico. I have adjusted back into my everyday routine physically, but emotionally and mentally I feel as free and loved as I did in Veracruz. I've been cautiously waiting for my mind to come back to the States, for me to start viewing myself and the people around me how i did before the trip. That it just hasn't fully hit me yet that I'm back, but I'm beginning to realize that this isn't just a high i'm waiting to ride out. That this feeling is something permanent. That I'm probably not going to be the person I was before the trip and that's something I'm choosing to accept.

On our last night in Veracruz our MVOT family had dinner on the second floor of my favorite restaurant. We were talking about agreements we make everyday. I talked about how I remember running outside on the field in the 7th grade and this girl telling me that I run funny. Ever since then I made it a habit not to run in public which is stupid, because I don't even remember that girl's name, yet I let what she said hold me back for so long. We are told so many things on a daily basis, and we choose to agree or disagree with them without even realizing it. I've started to make it a habit to consciously disagree with everything in my life that's toxic to me. 

So far I've chosen to :
  • Run: I raced my cousin at the park, I ran to go get peanut butter for a customer at work. 
  • Believe in myself: My penny boarding skills have improved drastically, because I'm actively trying to cope with the fear of falling off. I've learned to speak a little louder and stronger. To make longer eye contact. To not be the first person to move or look away.
  • Cut Ties: I quit my job. 
  • Love myself: That my septum doesn't make me any less human. That I have control over more than just what I eat. 
  • Accept: That just because the people I care the most about don't agree/disagree with something that doesn't make me a bad person if my opinions differ. That it's alright not to be okay. That I'm probably going to be confused for the rest of my life, and it's not my job to have everything figured out. 
Just because you choose to accept something about yourself or your life in the past doesn't mean you can't go back and change your mind. One of my teachers gave me this piece of advice during a time in my life where I couldn't help but over think everything that was happening to me. He told me to reflect on things going on around me. At first that thought made me uneasy because I didn't want to think back on the things in my life that I can't change. 

My thoughts of it changed after everything I've learned while in Mexico  We need to look back and reflect on things daily because everything is always changing. No truths are constant so whatever seems impossible or a barrier now will change. Change is inevitable, it's one of the only things you can count on. By reflecting we're allowing ourselves to change.

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